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What to Say Instead of “Sorry”
7 tried and tested ways to avoid apologising and live a guilt-free life.
I live in a country where over-apologising seems to be in people’s DNA. I’m also a woman which means that, statistically, I perceive more things as wrongdoings and, therefore, tend to say “sorry” more frequently than men. In short, I apologise more than need and would like to.
Being able to express remorse for our mistakes is an important life skill but I don’t want to throw my sorries left and right without consideration. This is why I’ve started to “un-sorry” myself and I avoid saying the words unless I have a strong and legitimate reason to. The trouble is, oftentimes you need to replace an apology with something — different words or behaviour — and these don’t come naturally if you are a serial apologiser. You need to learn them.
What should you say when another unjustified “sorry” is about to roll off your tongue? Here’s a list of things to try next time.
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1. When You’re Late or You’ve Made a Mistake
In her TEDx talk “How Apologies Kill Our Confidence”, Maja Jovanovic suggests replacing “sorry” with “thank you”. This is my favourite way of dodging apologies because it’s the most pleasant one. Instead of focusing on the negative behaviour (the fact that you’re late to a meeting, for example), you acknowledge the positive one (the fact that your client waited for you). You express gratitude and avoid knocking your confidence down — a win-win situation! Here are some examples of effective sorry swaps:
“Thanks for waiting for me.” (rather than “Sorry I’m late.”)
“Thank you for being flexible.” (rather than “Sorry we had to reschedule.”)
“Thanks for letting me know. Do you have more feedback?” (rather than “Sorry about this. It won’t happen again.”)
